photo by Robert S. Donovan on flickr

Theoretically it won’t matter to them whether the plane takes off from Orlando or from Panama City, Panama, Quito, Ecuador or Cancun, Mexico.

Unfortunately, it’s not that simple — when is it ever?

We do have one big hurdle to jump before we go anywhere. You see, we’re driving her up to her college, and stopping on the way to spend a couple of days with my husband’s parents. They’re the family members who seem to be having the hardest time with our plans to leave the country.

Either our plans will be the 800 pound gorilla in the room, or we’ll (hopefully) be able to talk honestly with them and leave them feeling more comfortable with what we’re doing.





I’m certainly hoping for the latter.

Frankly, their attitude has surprised me so far. Perhaps it’s because I’m hearing what they say through a filter, since it’s my husband who’s been speaking with them about it. I definitely want to hear from them directly.

There are several reasons I’ve been surprised at their attitude:

• My in-laws are seasoned travelers. In just the past couple of years they’ve been to several European countries, Mexico, Panama and Canada. Years ago, my father-in-law worked for a number of months in Saudi Arabia.
• They’ve also lived all over the US: upstate New York, California, Georgia, North Carolina and Washington, DC.
• My mother-in-law uses Skype more than I do, so they know how easy it is to communicate via internet.
• We already live a good 8 hour drive away from them, and flying time isn’t much less when you add the time to and from the airport.

So I’m hoping we can defuse whatever fears they may have. Wish me luck!

The response was sympathetic, comprehensive, discussed some positive and negative coping stragegies, and ended with a plea for the woman to seek professional counseling. All well and good, but I thought something very important was overlooked, maybe because it’s just too obvious.




Nowhere did the adviser recommend the woman get a thorough physical exam.

The adviser was so focused on the woman’s circumstances — recent first-time expat and empty nest — that she neglected the obvious.

Any time a 52-year old woman complains of feelings of worthlessness and crying jags, it seems to me that a health-care or mental health professional (which I am not!) should look first at the woman’s physical condition.

Yes, I’m talking about hormones, and not just the hormones responsible for menopause. All of our hormones are impacted by stress.

Perhaps the move took a physical toll and wreaked havoc with this person’s serotonin levels. That can certainly cause crying jags and the other issues described. All the counseling in the world won’t “cure” a physical problem.

I’m not saying this lady doesn’t have feelings to work through, as she obviously does. But dealing with those feelings — of culture shock, empty nest, and the like — will be much easier if her physical health is good.

A very wise person reminded me, years ago, that there were certain things my son would go through even if I weren’t in the midst of a difficult divorce. It was obvious to her, but not to me at the time when my entire life revolved around the circumstance of divorce.

For all you expats, if you or a loved one find yourself unable to cope, don’t just assume it’s culture shock because you’re living abroad. Sometimes it’s a lot more obvious than that! You may just need a health checkup.