A lot of blogs featured “things I feel thankful for” types of posts just before Thanksgiving, which was yesterday here in the US. I didn’t join them because, frankly, I haven’t been feeling I had much to be thankful for recently.

However, spending Thanksgiving Day with my husband’s family, and a long phone conversation in the evening, put a few things into perspective for me.

One Man’s Yummy is Another Man’s Disgusting

Thanksgiving is a uniquely American holiday. While many cultures celebrate some sort of harvest festival, our Thanksgiving feasts feature foods that are unique to us.

We don’t realize what’s unique when it’s “normal” for everyone around us.
One summer years ago, we hosted a French exchange student. Before he left, we put on a traditional Thanksgiving dinner for him and several of the other students and their host families.

We served a sweet potato casserole with marshmallow on top. It’s part of our traditional Thanksgiving.

Fast forward to yesterday. . .

Our former exchange student phoned in the evening to wish us a happy Thanksgiving, and while we were talking he asked what foods we had served. “Did you have that delicious dish with the sweet potatoes and marshmallows?” he wanted to know.

“Yes we did,” I told him.

I then learned — 15 years after the event — that he and his friends had found it awful. It’s something no European could possibly like, he explained. Then followed a really interesting discussion of cultural differences.

And a few ideas dropped into place for me.

It’s Not All Good or Bad

Any experience — a job, a marriage, a friendship, a heritage — has its good and its bad points.

We all hope the good predominates, but after a pink slip or a breakup, we sometimes get too focused on the bad for a time.

I think I’ve been doing that, but I’m going to try to change my focus.

Since March of last year, when the US economy hit the skids and I lost my job, I’ve felt very cynical about this country. I’m an American, and I’ve always loved my country, but I was not proud of it.

The financial meltdown has devastated my finances and speeded up my plans to expatriate. I’ve felt angry and bitter.

Thanksgiving Day, 2010, showed me a better perspective.

Does the US have big problems right now? Certainly. Are they unsurmountable? Maybe. It depends.

But it’s not all bad and the American people have a lot of good qualities.

Going forward, I’m going to try very hard to remember the good.

And I’m thankful to be able to do that.

Have you recently found something to be thankful for? What was it?

Photo by minimalistphotography101 on flickr

photo by vincepal on flickr

All the reasons, though, fall into one of two categories:

1. running away from something

2. running toward something

In general, the coaches I’ve been in touch with agree that your move will be more successful if you’re running toward something.

In an ideal world, I think I’d agree with them. This not being an ideal world, however, I’d hate to think that “running away” reasons would doom me to a terrible expat experience.

The author of the blog Regrouping recently posted her list of reasons for leaving — most of them of the running away variety. The post was extremely thoughtful and well written, and I’d recommend you read the entire post here.

Here are the author’s “running away” reasons:

1. I do not want to be an old person in America.

2. I do not want to pay insanely inflated US college tuition for my child
3. I cannot afford to pay for healthcare in the US
4. There is an unsettling level of physical and psychic violence in the US
5. The economy
6. There is a pervasive lack of genuine human connection in America

This list really resonated with me.

The Economy and Health Care

Although I’ve always wanted to experience life overseas, my timetable for leaving the country has been stepped up by economic events of the past 18 months or so. In March of last year my job melted away, and to say it’s been a scramble ever since is an enormous understatement.

The bottom line is we can’t afford to stay here any more. One of the biggest reasons is the cost of health care. Even if we were to move to a less expensive area within the US, health care costs would still destroy us.

The stress of knowing we’re one small illness away from losing everything we’ve worked our whole lives for is unbearable.

And I know I’m not alone. A majority of you responded to a poll here and here a few months back, stating that health care is either your primary or second reason for considering a move abroad.

How can the United Stated justify being the only Western, iindustrialized country that doesn’t provide affordable health care for its people? Even Rwanda has universal health care!!

So I’m definitely running away from an out-of-control economy characterized by a huge transfer of wealth from the middle class to the wealthy, aided and abetted by the government we elected to represent us.

Education

The cost of college tuition is not a huge hot button for me either way. My youngest is starting college in the fall, but fortunately she has received a ginormous financial aid package. For those of you who want alternatives to high US college costs, I strongly recommend reading Maya Frost’s book The New Global Student: Skip the SAT, Save Thousands on Tuition, and Get a Truly International Education.

But don’t think for a moment I’m not concerned with education. Our educational system has been going to hell in a handbasket for years, and it’s getting worse. The more we emphasize testing as the end-all and be-all of education, the worse educated our graduates become.

Sadly, as our general population becomes less — not better — educated, scheming corporations and misleading politicians find it easier and easier to hoodwink the electorate, leading to further erosion and decay in our government. It’s a vicious circle, and I don’t see it ending any time soon.

Polite Society

I, too, don’t want to be an old person in the United States — especially in this economy. Not only is economic survival retreating farther and farther from grasp, but our society does not honor age and the wisdom that comes with it. ‘Nuff said.

We’ve also become a country of self-centered boors. Civility is a lost art and friendliness in many places is looked upon with horror and suspicion. A young man of my acquaintance recently expressed chagrin on Facebook:

“Is friendliness dead? I took refuge from a bit of rain in the same spot as an older lady, and she seemed genuinely surprised that I actually introduced myself and tried to make conversation.”

Frankly, I love the idea of living in a place where saying “good morning” is expected of everyone!

Violence

Workplace killings, road rage, school massacres. . . why are we so much more violent than our Canadian neighbors? When people tell me, “oh, I wouldn’t want to move to Mexico because of the violence there,” I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Washington, DC, is statistically four times more dangerous than Mexico City, and most of the world views the violence here with absolute horror.

Am I Doomed?

So, am I doomed to a terrible expat experience? I don’t think so.

First, although my timetable for moving abroad has changed, it’s still something I’ve always wanted to do. Running away from the terrible health care situation here lets me look for a new home in a place with quality, affordable health care. Leaving the failed economy of the US behind gives me a chance to live at less expense elsewhere. Hopefully, I’ll be able to improve my quality of life at the same time.

Civility is important to me, so I can choose to go to a country where the cultural expectation is that folks will be polite to one another.

I don’t expect my new life to be perfect. I understand there will be adjustments to make, and lots of them. I anticipate I’ll run across some problems I hadn’t even considered beforehand.

What I do expect is that my health-care related stress will go away, and I’ll be able to afford the basics of life.

And it’ll be an adventure.

The author in Paris, April 2010

When I left the United States in February for a two month stay in France, I was very prepared. I had a bag loaded with French language resources (a dictionary, a phrase book, a traveler’s guide), and some new cold-weather clothing. Living in Florida my entire life, I’d never had much need for a heavy coat before, but I purchased a lovely blue parka just before I left.

I never once used the language books, and I ditched the parka my first week there (too flashy) in favor of a black coat. So basically, I was totally unprepared.

No matter how much research you do ahead of time, there are some cultural differences that you just can’t prepare for. Table manners, for example. Although I’d read plenty of materials beforehand about the order of meal courses, it wasn’t until I was eating dinner with French people that I realized how differently they held their silverware.





Or one time, after a long day touring Paris (almost completely on foot, mind you), my friend and I stopped for dinner at a restaurant. I ordered water immediately, and had to wait a long time before they brought it out. Once it arrived and he poured me a glass, I gulped down the entire thing in one go. My friend couldn’t have looked any more disgusted than if I’d belched at the table. Apparently sucking down a glass of water like I did (even if you’re really thirsty!) is a social faux pas. How was I to know?

But it wasn’t just etiquette. Everything about France, from the layout of the cities to the mindset of the citizens, was foreign.

When I went, I was expecting I’d have to speak French all the time; I thought I didn’t have a choice. I found that it was very much the opposite. As soon as people realized I was from America, they immediately switched languages. I didn’t have very many opportunities to practice French because everyone around me wanted to practice English! And I’m not talking about a few people here and there, either. I mean everyone: the shopkeepers, waitresses, University students, delivery boys, people selling flowers on the street.

If something like that happened in the United States — if a French person came to visit Florida — the people around him would not be taking advantage of the opportunity to practice a foreign language; they’d be demanding he speak English.

It was cultural differences like these that amazed and sometimes embarrassed me. Truly, the only way to learn about a foreign culture is to experience it firsthand. You can’t be afraid to make mistakes, because you will make mistakes regardless. You’ll discover things that you like and other things that you don’t like; some things will remind you of home and others will leave you completely lost.

Here are a few things I learned:

• If you want to experience a different culture and way of life, try not to have expectations.
• Don’t constantly compare it to what you’re used to, because no matter how much you believe that it can’t be so different, it often will be.
• You probably won’t get the same comforts you’re accustomed to (tiny refrigerators, toilet in a separate room from the sink).
• Take time to really try living as the local people do. Relax and let yourself enjoy each moment. Things will feel different, strange, and foreign, but that should be part of the fun.

Whether you travel, live in, or are moving to a foreign country, I hope you dive in and enjoy the experience of learning about a different culture.

Learn the Language

As a cultural expat, you are motivated to bring your culture, or a specific aspect of it, to the people you’re living among (missionary expat), or you are a student of the new culture. Either way, you’ll need to speak the language well enough to communicate on the level of ideas and interests, not just on the level of asking for the bathroom or ordering in a restaurant. While there’s a lot of commercial communication that can take place through sign language, pointing, and the like (think of bargaining in a market for something you want), understanding culture necessitates knowing the language.

Language is Culture.

German anthropologist Franz Boas believed that culture and language were inextricably intertwined. Boas believed you could not understand a culture without a deep understanding of its language, and that a language and its culture evolved together. In the process, each shaped the other, so that language, in effect, created culture while culture also created language.

If you’ve identified yourself as a cultural expat, better dust off that foreign language dictionary, take yourself off to class, or fire up that computer software.

So, bonne chance, viel Glueck, buona fortuna, 幸運, boa sorte, удача, buena suerte and 好运.

Students

Rice Research to Production Course

Today’s cultural students come in all shapes and sizes. Of course, there are the ubiquitous junior-year-abroad 20-ish college kids. But the students category of cultural expat includes so much more. A student can be one who takes a formal course of study at a college or a university, or someone who comes to a country purely to immerse himself in the language and the culture.

There are those who combine studying another country’s language and culture with volunteerism.




And there are people whose studies are less formal, but no less formative, who simply go and live among the native residents and absorb their language, culture, cuisine and art.

The Center for Study Abroad offers courses in Europe, China, Japan, Vietnam, South America, Mexico and New Zealand, and anyone over 18 is welcome. StudyAbroad.com lists a variety of overseas study, internship and teaching positions, as well as “volunteaching.” Amerispan, which started by offering opportunities to learn Spanish abroad, and has since expanded, features a page on their site outlining the 15 best “Bang for Your Buck” locations. They also offer combination learning/volunteer placements in educational, social work and environmental organizations. It’s even possible to obtain financial aid or other funding for your overseas studies.

Is your interest environmental rather than linguistic? Perhaps The School for Field Studies would be your choice, where you can get involved in environmental field studies in one of five countries. Even UNESCO has gotten into the act, with advice about studying abroad.

Study abroad can be an English lit class at that most traditional of English institutions, Oxford University, or it can be a Spanish-language immersion program in the Andes Mountains of Peru. You can dive in the Caribbean, or schuss down an Alp. You can study a language in the morning, then help in an orphanage in the afternoon. You can tour museums and ateliers. There are as many study abroad programs as there are expats abroad.

Have you engaged in a course of study (formal or informal) in another country? If so, we’d love to hear from you! Please add your comments below, and share some of your experience with us.

What kinds of people leave hearth and home for life in another country?

Here are a few categories I’ve come up with. I’m sure that many expats fit into more than one. I know I do! Let me know if you have a category I’ve missed.

Expats By Necessity

We won’t dwell on the first group — their reasons for expatriating are obvious.

• Military Personnel sent abroad
• Workers whose employers assign them to overseas positions
• Ambassadors and similar government employees sent to represent their country in another

Cultural Expats

The next group includes those who move to another country for what I think of as cultural reasons.

• Missionaries. In this category I include, not just religious missionaries, but anyone with a “mission.” This would include Peace Corps volunteers, people who start orphanages, and the literacy volunteers who try to teach indigenous peoples how to communicate with others around them.
• Students. The student category includes the hordes of college juniors who elect to take part or all of their year abroad as part of their school’s curriculum. It also includes those who wish to immerse themselves in another language or culture. Painters, musicians, writers and other artists who travel for inspiration or to learn how other cultures view the world would also be included in the student category.

Escapists

Next we find the escapists group. These are expats characterized more by what they are getting away from than by what they are moving toward.

• Geographic escapists. These folks want to escape from cold weather to the sunny tropics, from the mountains to the ocean, or from the farms to the cities.
• Social escapists want to break loose from uncomfortable family or social ties at home (or a lack thereof!) to create a new social network elsewhere.
• Economic escapists want to leave a more expensive country for a cheaper one. Many of these are retirees who, like myself, simply can’t afford to retire comfortably in their native land and don’t want to work until they drop. There are also many economic escapists who are still of working age, but want to pursue a career or vocation they might not be able to live on at home, but could afford in a less expensive country. Idealistists who work for non-profit organizations might fit into this category. So would those who believe there is more to life than work, and who feel they can better raise a family and have time for important activities outside of work, in a country where the cost of living is lower and the pace of life is slower.

Adventurers

Although the highest peaks have already been scaled, the Amazon has been explored by westerners, and the deserts have been mapped, there are still many who move abroad because it’s an adventure. While I think there’s a bit of the adventurer in anyone who willingly pursues an expat life, there are some for whom it is the primary reason they leave their home countries.

Opportunists

And, of course, there are always opportunists in any group.

• Business people who see a need they can fill, and/or a fantastic opportunity to make huge amounts of money in another country.
• Investors in real estate, businesses or farmland.
• Tax avoiders or evaders.
• Law dodgers, people who for legal reasons leave their home country to hang out in somebody else’s and hope they won’t be caught and extradited.