This is the second part of a series on life coaching for expats. If you missed the first, you can read it here. In Part I I introduced the six coaches who contributed to this discussion, and reviewed what life coaching is and how expat coaching differs from general life coaching.

What Are the Benefits of Expat Coaching?

Coaching can help an expat thrive. With coaching, the new expat can adjust more easily to the new culture, get over homesickness more quickly, make friends and become part of the new community.

Louise also pointed out that a coach offers unqualified support, a focused and objective approach to creating a successful life in the new community, and better performance.

Emmannuelle shared three benefits her clients report:

• Reaching their goals faster

• Increased focus and motivation
• Increased confidence

Evelyn works primarily with accompanying partners — the significant others of people whose companies send them on assignments overseas. She discussed a raft of benefits.

“Often when families move overseas, the impetus is one partner’s career and many times the other partner either puts their career on hold or takes a detour from their career path to accommodate the move.

“For those clients, the key issues are working though their sense of loss of identity and independence and guiding them to a way of life which gives them purpose and fulfillment. In addition, any accompanying partner can feel lost as they embark on life in an unfamiliar country and culture without their support systems of family and friends. Their partners go off to work their children go to school and there they are in a sea of boxes with no friends.

“Even a trip to the grocery store can seem intimidating, which is a horrible feeling for a person who is used to being independent and self-sufficient.

“Coaching can help those clients to renegotiate their relationships with partners, friends and family, it can give them the confidence to engage in the challenges of their new lives and perhaps most importantly it can help them to re-establish their identity and even discover new facets of their identity.”

The expat experience, added Margarita, “while being one of the most amazing things life can offer you, can also be among the most challenging. And so the benefits of having an expat coach is to have someone who can support you through all the ups and downs that the lifestyle brings with it and to help you have the best expatriate experience of your life.”

Expat Coaching: Who Can Benefit?

Heather feels anyone who will relocate in the future or has already done so can benefit from working with a coach.

Emmannuelle and Evelyn both commented that, although new expats are the most obvious group to benefit from coaching, any expat who is experiencing a challenge or who feels stuck can benefit. For example, Evelyn says, an expat who is about to become a parent overseas can really use a coach!

What sorts of issues, problems or concerns can an expat receive help with? The coaches provided a long list of issues, including:

• Work-life balance.

• Handling culture shock
• Relocation decision
• Preparation for the move
• Overwhelm
• Cross cultural understanding
• Coping with children and their relocation and adaptation issues
• Career/job search
• Starting a business
• Family issues
• Transition issues
• Self-esteem
• Identity crisis

How long does a coaching program last?

Depending on the results you’re looking for, it can be as short as three sessions or as many as 12, replies Anne.

Heather feels a decision to relocate might only take one or two sessions, where other issues can take longer.

The longest program Louise offers is eight sessions.

Emmanuelle agrees that more complex issues might require up to eight sessions.

Margarita generally recommends a three-month program.

Evelyn’s programs are completely tailored to the individual coachee.

Tips from the Coaches

Here are a few extra tips the coaches passed along.

To receive the most benefit from coaching, you must be willing to take responsibility for your own actions and your results. It works “when you are ready to change and have time to invest in yourself,” Anne states.

Louise adds, “Coaching is not about being told what to do in any way!” Instead, coaching is all about helping the coachee “overcome limiting beliefs about what they are capable of doing and make change that creates the life that they want.”

Anne warns prospective coaching clients to always check the coach’s credentials. Being an expat doesn’t make you a coach – you need formal training.

Heather suggests starting your coaching program before you move for best results.

Margarita pointed out that you don’t have to do everything yourself as an expat – help from a coach is just a phone call away.

Evelyn said most coaches offer a free trial session to see if you and the coach will be a good fit. Don’t be afraid to ask for one!

Emmanuelle summarized nicely: “Bring an open mind and a willingness to take responsibility for your own success overseas, and there are no limits to what you can achieve with your coach’s support!”



Have you worked with a coach? Was it helpful? What were the biggest benefits for you?

Photo by Elizabeth Buie

Lots of people today work with life coaches to help them with their careers and personal lives, and expats are no exception. A coach’s objective is to help the “coachee” reach his or her full potential.

I interviewed six experts recently to find out more about expat coaching. Each has professional coaching training and are expats themselves.

I gathered a wealth of information, which I’ll break down into several posts. But first, let’s introduce you to the coaches.

Emmanuelle Archer is French and lives currently in Vancouver, Canada. She’s the president if Winning Away, where she offers coaching to help you thrive in your life abroad. She also blogs about the expat life and coaching here. Emmannuelle speaks French and English.

Anne Egros had 20 years experience in business management with Fortune 500 companies where she trained and managed employees in 20 countries. She has relocated 11 times, and currently lives in Brussels. She offers coaching services for international small business owners, expat executives and managers. Anne is a native French speaker and coaches in English as well.

Heather Markel is a “culture transition specialist.” She helps expats and their families feel at home anywhere in the world. A native of the USA, she has lived in England, France and Switzerland and traveled extensively throughout the rest of the world. She coaches in both English and French. Heather has just introduced a new online program to help expats develop their social networks overseas more easily.

Evelyn Simpson describes herself as a 20-year serial expat. A native of Scotland, she’s moved six times, living in several European countries, a couple of Asian countries and the US. She currently lives in Belgium. Evelyn specializes in pre-move consulting and coaching accompanying partners.

Margarita Gokun Silver offers individual coaching, helping expats manage culture shock and cope with the frustrations and learning required to live successfully in a new culture. She also works with organizations and companies to help their expat staffs deal with communication and cultural issues. She was born in the Soviet Union and has lived in the US, Argentina, Italy, Austria, Poland, and Uzbekistan. She is tri-lingual (English, Spanish and Russian).

Louise Wiles works with people who are considering an overseas move but aren’t sure it’s the right move for them, and with expats who are finding it difficult to build happy, successful and fulfilled lives abroad. Louise hails from the UK and lives in Portugal.

So What Is Expat Coaching Anyway?

Coaching is not psychotherapy or counseling, and is completely results driven. Expat coaches use their expertise to help expats achieve their full potential in their lives abroad and the coaching is all results driven.

Louise points out that an expat coach often focuses on the cross-cultural issues of living and working abroad. That requires an understanding of cultural differences and “learning how to apply that understanding to help achieve personal or work related objectives.” Margarita adds, “Expat coaching is coaching in a niche that’s built around expatriates and the experience of expatriation.”

That doesn’t mean that every aspect of the coaching is concerned with cultural issues. According to Evelyn, “a coach leads a client through a process of personal development and growth.” This can include:

• “Helping the client to identify goals which are consistent with her or his needs and values
• Providing the client with the tools and structure and motivation to accomplish more than would be accomplished working alone
• Encouraging a commitment to action and the development of lasting personal growth
• Holding the client accountable for commitments made, thereby maintaining momentum towards goals”

Click here to see an article titled “What is Coaching” by Louise.

How Is Expat Coaching Different from Other Types of Coaching?

“The foundation principles are the same” with all types of coaching, Heather explains. “At the base of any type of coaching are life and career and relationship challenges. But expat coaching is related to the specific set of challenges that are associated with relocating overseas.”

Louise explains:

“There are a lot of similarities and parallels. The expat coach adds an

• Understanding/knowledge of the challenges involved in working and living in cross cultural or multi-cultural environments. Helping clients to develop a personal awareness of the differences and how they can best operate cross culturally.
• Understanding/knowledge of the issues involved in making big life transitions, likely adaptation issues such as culture shock, initial loneliness and overwhelm.
• Recognition of the uncertain nature of expatriate life for people on assignment and how this can cause additional pressure and frustration.”

“Expat coaches know where you’re coming from, because they have first-hand experience of living overseas. They specialize in dealing with your main concerns as an expat: job search, culture shock, changes in your lifestyle, personal relationships, etc.” Emmannuelle states.

Margarita clarifies that the coaching tools and strategies are no different, but the niche is distinctive.

In the next post in this series, we’ll discuss the benefits of expat coaching and who can use the service.

If you would like to get a reminder in your inbox about the next part of this series on expat coaching, click here to sign up for the RSS feed.

Photo by Catherine Perkins

Guest Post by Barbara Diggs

Lucky is the expat that has no lingering guilt associated with his or her decision to live abroad. But, I think, rare is that expat also.

Maybe you feel a bit guilty about how living abroad will affect your children, or you worry about the feelings of loved ones left behind. You might even have conflicted feelings about preferring another country over your own.

For me, as excited as I was to move to Paris nine years ago, I felt terribly guilty about leaving my mother behind.

At the time of my decision to move, my father had died only sixteen months earlier and my mother was still adjusting to her new life. Even though my brother and sister lived in the same city as she – and I didn’t – I fretted that I was bailing out at a time that she needed me.



Moreover, I knew that even without the complicating factor of my father’s death, she wouldn’t really understand or appreciate my desire to live in another country. This was a woman who lived (and still lives) five minutes away from where she was born, grew up, married, divorced and married again. Although she’d visited many U.S. states, she had never left the country and nor expressed any desire to, save a vague wish to visit the Caribbean.

I knew she would see my wish to live in Paris as evidence of my so-called “wildness” (she thought me “wild” because I did things like go skiing, parasailing, and make trips down the coast of California alone), and because she’d consider the move to be “wild” and strange, it would worry her.

There was no particular point at which I broke the news to her. I had decided to move to Paris after visiting a friend there on the back end of one of my “wild” ski trips in the French Alps. I was leaning out the windows of my friend’s apartment on rue du Bac, watching ordinary scenes of Parisian life below, when I became gripped with the notion that I had to live in Paris. I didn’t want to be another fly-by-night tourist exclaiming, “I feel like I’m in a movie!” when wandering down Parisian streets. I wanted to have a real relationship with the city.

Still looking out the window, I called my boyfriend (now husband) in New York and said,“Let’s move to Paris,” and he said, “Let’s do it.”

When I returned to the U.S., I was bursting with the news, like a girl in love. My mother heard the news of our decision along with the rest of my family and friends, but other than getting a queer deer-in-the-headlights look on her face when I talked about it, she didn’t say much. She probably didn’t take me seriously since there were few people less equipped to move to Paris than me: I couldn’t speak a word of French, nor was I qualified to practice law in France, and I was too saddled with student loans wait tables or teach English.

It was only when I got a lead on a law job in Paris it dawned on her that I was determined to make the move happen. When I told her about the potential job, a pained expression crossed her face and she wailed: “Can’t you wait until I’m dead?” I shot back: “I have to wait that long? You’re only sixty-five!” But even as I hugged her and told her not to be silly and to think of all the great trips she would take, guilt grabbed my heart and twisted it with both hands.

Fifteen months after I made that fateful call to my boyfriend, he and I moved to Paris. (How we both managed to get jobs is another story.)

A full year later, my mother made her first trip across the Atlantic Ocean. I cannot describe the pleasure it gave me to see my homebody mother sitting in Parisian café (fanning her hands against the smoke, it’s true), savoring a chausson aux pommes, or gasping with delight upon seeing the Eiffel Tower or Sacre Coeur.

As she visited more and more over the years, I marveled that this woman who had only been on an airplane two or three times before I moved, had grown so comfortable with international travel that once when her plane was diverted to Lyon because of fog in Paris, she hardly turned a hair (while I was freaking out with worry). When she safely arrived in Paris she mused that next time she would like to actually see Lyon.

My husband and I have been living in Paris for over nine years now, and my mother comes over two or three times a year. She walks down Parisian streets and handles basic transactions with an ease that makes me swell with pride.

While I still have rushes of guilt about living abroad, a year or two ago, she said something that assured me that I made the right decision. She was at lunch with a friend and other people she didn’t know very well, when the conversation turned to Paris and London. “It made me feel so good that I’d actually visited these places and was able to join the conversation,” she told me later. “I probably knew Paris better than anyone there!”

I realized then that my expat journey has been a journey for her as well — an enlightening, confidence-building journey in which she has discovered the fun of being “wild,” and the pleasure of having an intimate relationship with a city that most people only dream of.

Isn’t it lucky, then, that I didn’t “wait until she was dead” to move to Paris? Sure, she misses me … but if I hadn’t moved, there are other things she would have missed as well.

Barbara Diggs is a lawyer-turned-freelance writer living in Paris. She blogs about her expat life at International Mama.

How has your family influenced your choices? Click the Comment link below.

Photo Beverly & Pack/flickr

To all my US readers and friends, have a safe and happy Fourth of July!

Something new. . . the first video post on this site.

Here’s a short video outlining some of what I’m planning for the website in the coming months.

I’d also appreciate your input. If you haven’t already, jump on over to this one-step poll and let me know whether you think we’re giving the right amount of coverage to health care overseas.

And, as promised in the video, here are the links to join the Future Expats discussion on Facebook and Twitter.

Thanks for watching!

Guest Post by Michelle Garrett

Moving overseas was one of the best things I could have done.

The Author in Paris

My short answer is that I live in Britain for love: my husband is British. They always reply ‘awwww,’ because it sounds so romantic.

But the full answer is of course much longer than that, and predates my husband’s entry into my life.

I grew up in a small university town in Northern Minnesota. By the time I was 18 I was fed up with the small town. When my drama club decided to take a trip to England I signed up immediately. England!



Many car washes and garage sales later, our small group were boarding a 747 in July 1988, on our way to London. When we began our descent to Heathrow and the clouds gradually parted, I saw the little squiggly, crazy quilt pattern of fields below—so unlike the giant grids of Mid-West America. This was my first real view of the world outside the States. At 18 I was hungry for all new experiences and I was thrilled (almost overwhelmed with excitement) to see this green and pleasant land waiting for me to explore.

We did a whirlwind tour of sites in and around London. I was agitated because I was the oldest in the group. I had graduated a month previous and I wanted to be independent, free to explore the world. I was standing by myself at Windsor Castle (possibly in a sulk), near a wall overlooking the valley across to Eton School. The wind gusted and I could smell things that I had never smelled in Minnesota—a combination of the fresh, woody willows along the river, the old lichen covered stone of the castle walls, even the short cut green grass held a different scent in the misty air.

My drama teacher walked up beside me and looked at the view. She could sense my restlessness. ‘You’ll be back,’ she said, as if reassuring me. ‘You’ll come back one day.’ She was certain.

When I went to university that autumn, I learned that the university had a Study Abroad programme in England. I signed up. I spent seven months of my junior year in a castle owned by the Duke of Northumberland. He rents out the servants quarters to the students of my university. It was an amazing experience, cold, but amazing.

While there I fell in love with a local who was about to go to medical school. I went home to finish my degree, he moved to London to start his training and when I finished university I moved to London to be with him. We got married perhaps a bit too early, but my work permit ran out and I assumed I would be with him forever.

I’m no longer with him, but I am still in England. When my marriage was breaking down my dad expected me to move home. I didn’t. How could I? I didn’t even know how to pay a bill in the States. The culture shock of repatriation on top of a divorce would have been more than I could have coped with at that time.

I had been in England for 10 years, I had a circle of friends and good support. I still had friends in Minnesota but they had got on with their lives—it would be a lot to expect them to suddenly fit me and my emotional baggage in again. So I stayed in England.

Eventually I remarried—another Englishman. And I’m still here.

Do I miss the States? Of course. Would I move back? Well… We talk about a retirement home in the States one day, but I don’t see a move back to the States before then. If I had known back in ’88 on the walls of Windsor Castle that not only would I return, as my teacher said, but that my future would be dominated by a life in England, would I have done anything differently?

The answer is yes, probably…possibly. I never planned on making a life here. It has been full of emotional hardship and heartache. And yet, I don’t regret moving overseas. Of course I could have made a life anywhere, but moving overseas helped me grow into the person I was meant to be by pushing my boundaries, testing me and helping me develop in ways that I would not have been able to while surrounded by people and influences back home.

That growth and development are the reasons why a move overseas was the best thing for me.

The author is an American freelance writer who has lived in the UK for 20 years. She blogs about life as an expat at Mid-Atlantic English.

On June 10, EFAM published an article titled America — the Grim Truth. And grim it was indeed!

“Americans, I have some bad news for you,” the article starts.

“You have the worst quality of life in the developed world – by a wide margin.

“If you had any idea of how people really lived in Western Europe, Australia, New Zealand, Canada and many parts of Asia, you’d be rioting in the streets calling for a better life. In fact, the average Australian or Singaporean taxi driver has a much better standard of living than the typical American white-collar worker.”

Author Lance Freeman explains that he is an American who has lived all over the world, and there is one country he will not live in again — the USA. Then he explains why.

1. Health care. We’re the only country in the developed world without a single-payer health care system. This is ironic, he continues, because we have so much more to make us sick! This includes a food supply which is contaminated with hormones, antibiotics, salmonella and other dangerous chemicals, genetically modified crops, and the like. Add the over-reliance on prescription drugs, and we’re sicker than ever and need a good health-care system more than most.
2. No vacations. The average US worker, according to this article, has 12 vacation days per year. This compares with 44 for Finland at the top, and 18 for Japan at the bottom of the list of developed countries. (Check the stats I posted in a previous article called Where in the World Do Employees Get the Most Time Off?.) The real kicker is that US exmployers are not required to give vacations, so some people never have them and some only “earn” them after they’ve completed a year working for the same company.
3. The cost of education. In most developed countries higher education is free or heavily subsidized. Not so in the USA, where a four-year degree can cost $100,000 or more. (I know this is true, because our former French exchange student attended a highly ranked University in Lille for less than our student would have paid for room and board at college.)
4. Debt as a way of life.
5. Lack of freedom. Yes, you read that right. Mr. Freeman states:
   

   “America is actually among the least free countries on earth. Your piss is tested, your emails and phone calls are monitored, your medical records are gathered, and you are never more than one stray comment away from writhing on the ground with two Taser prongs in your ass.

   “And that’s just physical freedom. Mentally, you are truly imprisoned. You don’t even know the degree to which you are tormented by fears of medical bankruptcy, job loss, homelessness and violent crime because you’ve never lived in a country where there is no need to worry about such things.”

   He also maintains that 70% of our tax dollars support the Pentagon, which he characterizes as a “shadow government,” unelected and unaccountable to citizens. “If you call a life of surveillance, anxiety and ceaseless toil in the service of a government you didn’t elect “freedom,” then you and I have a very different idea of what that word means,” he states.

He then predicts life in the US will grow worse, not better, in the future, and advises leaving. He reminds his readers that most of them are the descendants of immigrants who left their homes in search of a better life somewhere else and suggests it’s time to continue that journey.

I have to say, I find a lot to agree with in this article. I have been very concerned about a number of the issues he raises, especially health care. One of my goals in moving is to find a place to live where the food is actually food, not processed, food-like substances that make me sick. And you don’t want to get me started on Big Pharma and our medical establishment, trust me on this!

I’ve watched the decline in education with horror, and I’ve been appalled at the amount of debt my children and other friends and relatives have started their working lives with.

Do I buy Mr. Freeman’s conclusions? The truth is, I don’t know. I don’t want to believe he’s right — that a collapse into chaos is inevitable and the only question is whether it will be gradual or sudden — but I’m afraid he may be.

You can read his entire article here.

A few days ago I had a long phone call with my mother, and told her about our plans to move overseas. She handled it better than I expected, and I give her a lot of credit. (She expressed far more unhappiness years ago when we told her we were moving from upstate New York, about five minutes away from her, to Florida.)

Of course, that was 22 years ago, so she’s certainly had a chance to adjust to our being far away.



I explained, as calmly as I could, our reasons. The biggest one is that we just can’t survive economically in the US any more. The cost of health insurance (if we could even purchase it) is approximately three times the size of our mortgage, and we all know how little even the best policies today cover.

Add the fact that my husband, with a fairly new Master’s degree, wants to teach but has little chance of getting hired and a few other factors and you have a strong case for expatriation.

We talked some about how angry I am that we feel an overseas move is our only viable option, even though it’s an adventure I’ve always wanted.

Still, it was not an easy conversation, and some tears were shed.

At least it’s a conversation that’s taken place, and we can now move forward and include her in the discussion.

Of course, we still need to have this conversation with my husband’s parents. . .

Guest Post by Catherine Perkins

The author in Paris, April 2010

When I left the United States in February for a two month stay in France, I was very prepared. I had a bag loaded with French language resources (a dictionary, a phrase book, a traveler’s guide), and some new cold-weather clothing. Living in Florida my entire life, I’d never had much need for a heavy coat before, but I purchased a lovely blue parka just before I left.

I never once used the language books, and I ditched the parka my first week there (too flashy) in favor of a black coat. So basically, I was totally unprepared.

No matter how much research you do ahead of time, there are some cultural differences that you just can’t prepare for. Table manners, for example. Although I’d read plenty of materials beforehand about the order of meal courses, it wasn’t until I was eating dinner with French people that I realized how differently they held their silverware.



Or one time, after a long day touring Paris (almost completely on foot, mind you), my friend and I stopped for dinner at a restaurant. I ordered water immediately, and had to wait a long time before they brought it out. Once it arrived and he poured me a glass, I gulped down the entire thing in one go. My friend couldn’t have looked any more disgusted than if I’d belched at the table. Apparently sucking down a glass of water like I did (even if you’re really thirsty!) is a social faux pas. How was I to know?

But it wasn’t just etiquette. Everything about France, from the layout of the cities to the mindset of the citizens, was foreign.

When I went, I was expecting I’d have to speak French all the time; I thought I didn’t have a choice. I found that it was very much the opposite. As soon as people realized I was from America, they immediately switched languages. I didn’t have very many opportunities to practice French because everyone around me wanted to practice English! And I’m not talking about a few people here and there, either. I mean everyone: the shopkeepers, waitresses, University students, delivery boys, people selling flowers on the street.

If something like that happened in the United States — if a French person came to visit Florida — the people around him would not be taking advantage of the opportunity to practice a foreign language; they’d be demanding he speak English.

It was cultural differences like these that amazed and sometimes embarrassed me. Truly, the only way to learn about a foreign culture is to experience it firsthand. You can’t be afraid to make mistakes, because you will make mistakes regardless. You’ll discover things that you like and other things that you don’t like; some things will remind you of home and others will leave you completely lost.

Here are a few things I learned:

• If you want to experience a different culture and way of life, try not to have expectations.
• Don’t constantly compare it to what you’re used to, because no matter how much you believe that it can’t be so different, it often will be.
• You probably won’t get the same comforts you’re accustomed to (tiny refrigerators, toilet in a separate room from the sink).
• Take time to really try living as the local people do. Relax and let yourself enjoy each moment. Things will feel different, strange, and foreign, but that should be part of the fun.

Whether you travel, live in, or are moving to a foreign country, I hope you dive in and enjoy the experience of learning about a different culture.

Last month I listed 9 Expat Blogs that I personally follow. Got such a great response I thought I’d add a few more. This list is focused on Central and South America, and I’ll add more recommendations later for other regions.

Personal Blogs

1. Expat Alley. Tom Frost shares his expat knowledge and interviews other expats. Originally from Oregon, USA, Tom has lived in Japan, Mexico, Argentina and is currently establishing a farm in Uruguay.

2. Flavors of Ecuador author Carrie explores Ecuadorian culture and history through one of my favorite media, food. Yummy pictures throughout! (Warning — when I’ve visited, the site has loaded rather slowly, but it’s worth the wait.)
3. From LA to BA. Argentine native grew up in Los Angeles, then moved back to Buenos Aires.
4. Balanced Melting Pot. Haitian national grew up in the US, then went back to Haiti and now lives and raises her family in Caracas, Venezuela.
5. Living in Patagonia. US couple from Lake Tahoe moved to Patagonia, Argentina.
6. 2 Gringos in the Caribbean. Couple moved, with their child and dog, from the northeast US to Turks & Caicos Islands.

   Professional Blogs

7. Yucatan Living. Online magazine for expats in the Yucatan, and for those considering the Yucatan as a destination for retiring, starting a business or owning a second home.

8. Nomadas Globales Argentina. Intercultural training and coaching from Natalia Sarro.
9. Expat Daily News, with editions for Central America and South America.
10. Traveling4Health. Excellent resources for both medical tourists and expats.

Do you have a favorite expat blog (or blogs) that you would like to recommend? Just click the comment button below. We love new blog recommendations!